Insomnia and Thought

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Sometimes, late at night, the world seems to slow.  Thoughts grow clear.  Emotions calm.  But sleep is shy.  The early hours pass, a slow, silent stream, mirroring the stream of thoughts that intertwine with night.

Tonight I am thinking of you, your smile.  Do you remember the day we met?  I remember how you stood against the wall, your face full of hidden thoughts.  Not at ease, and not afraid.  Self contained, yet outward looking.  I wanted to know who you were, and so, I adopted you.

We are so different now, from who we were back then.  Those years when we searched side by side.  Yet, it seems to me, that you are less changed than I.  You are still not at ease, and not afraid.  Self contained, yet outward looking.  Your face is still full of hidden thoughts.

I think of you tonight, and as has always been the case, I cannot imagine what you are thinking.  Hopefully, sleep has come to you, but what of your day?  I piece together my memories of things you have said and try to understand, but the truth slips away, like water between my fingers.  Perhaps no one can fully understand another person, but friendship is to try.

So here, early in the morning, I think of your smile.  Your kind smile in response to mine.  The joy in your voice, after we have talked for hours, days.  Your insatiable interest in trivia.  Your bitter smile, when I make you talk about something that angers you.  Your waiting silence when I’m lost in thought.  The condescending look you give me when we argue.  Your trustful, honesty when I ask you how you really are. Your smile, rippling with excitement, when you have experienced something glorious.

As dawn approaches, and another year flows toward you, may you experience many glorious things, and smile.

~Jane

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